I can't believe it has been one whole year (where does the time go?) since Rosemary came into this world, all tiny and squishy and beautiful. She was my "pleasant surprise" child, having been conceived just 11 months after her big sister was born. I was so scared, yet so excited at the thought of bringing another life into our family. When I found out I was expecting another girl, I started to fantasize about how beautiful she would be and how lucky Olivia was to have a little sister. Having two little sisters of my own, I knew that they were destined to have an incredible bond. Preparing for her birth was truly an amazing experience.
However, I don't think I anticipated how my life would change once she entered the picture. Rosie came to me in a moment of great change in our family's journey. Her birth rang in a year that would challenge me as a wife and mother, and had me questioning my part and place in everything that was happening around me.
Now, on the first anniversary of her birth, I celebrate her as a source of many graces.
When she looks up at me and smiles for no reason other than pure love and happiness, I am reminded that this life is AWESOME and we should all try to live with the same joy and wonder I see in her eyes every day.
I see her give big, sloppy kisses to her baby dolls, and I realize that she is learning how to love and treat others from me, and I should always try to give out more hugs and kisses around the house than frustrated looks and impatient words.
Every day, I witness her hard at work figuring out how her toys work or trying to get the lid off the trashcan (although, I wish she would just leave that yucky trash alone!) Watching her inspires me to persevere in all my own endeavors. She doesn't give up, and neither should I.
Sometimes she walks in circles in the living room, clapping her hands and laughing at herself, and I laugh along with her. Life has its fun and silly moments, and not everything (myself included) needs to be taken so seriously all the time.
Those moments she takes my hand or latches on to my leg to steady herself, I remember that we all need to reach out for help sometimes. Sometimes I feel as if I am unbalanced or about to fall, but that doesn't mean there isn't anyone there to help me along the way.
At night, when she is asleep in her bed, I see on her face a look of peace that comes from a feeling of being completely safe and protected. I am reminded of the peace, offered to me by God, that cannot be taken away from me by anything as long as I accept it and trust Him, even when I seem to be failing or coming up short.
Being a mother is a tall order. In fact, it's the hardest thing I've ever done. In raising Rosemary and her big sister, I have been challenged mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically in ways I never thought possible. And there have been days in this last (her first) year of life that I don't feel I've risen to the challenge. I've failed. My mind and body was present for them, but at times my heart was elsewhere. I've felt overwhelmed. I've let the events of my adult life affect my actions as a mother.
For all these things, I am sorry. And I ask for my children's forgiveness.
Sometimes parenthood is frustrating. I want nothing more than to be the perfect mother for my girls, but I know that there is only one perfect mother. So, I ask Our Lady to guide me. I pray for the ability to stop seeing my role as mother through the selfish lens of "job" or "task," and recognize that I have been blessed with precious treasures. My children were given to me as a means to see God more clearly.
My little Rosemary, you are my darling girl. I love you very much, more than you will ever know and in ways that this simple post could ever express.
You truly are a most precious gift.
You truly are a most precious gift.
Well said Neely!!
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